How to... Pick and Shop for a Sex Toy
by Freddy and Eddy
Why in the world would we want to use sex toys?There are many reasons to try and use sex toys. We use them mainly to add a little "pizzazz" to our ongoing sexual routine, but there are plenty of other reasons, such as increasing the intensity of orgasm, therapy, masturbation, and even for male penetration, which is becoming more popular among heterosexual couples.
What, exactly, constitutes a "sex toy?"
Well, that depends. A sex toy can be anything from a piece of furniture or kitchen utensil to an elaborate machine costing thousands of dollars. Anything you use to enhance or add something to your sex life qualifies! Sex toys come in literally thousands of shapes, sizes, colors, and materials for every imaginable purpose. A feather for tickling? A spatula for spanking? A back massager for vibrating your private areas? Certainly! We've seen examples ranging from gerbils for Gere to the wild contraption pictured above to a headache massager for your finger that found its way south. Almost anything goes and almost any object can qualify as your next favorite sexual device!
Great, I want to try a sex toy!
How do I introduce sex toys to my partner? Whoa there, you! Slow down. This is a VERY complicated question and requires one basic task before you proceed - COMMUNICATION!!! Though we'd all like to think we know our spouses/partners better than we know ourselves, talking about sex is usually one thing we do NOT know how to and don't DO well. For example; fifteen years ago (when we were having sex three times a day) Eddy and I had never even considered a sex toy and, quite frankly, didn't even know what they were or how to use them. Sure, we'd seen dildos and vibrators in sex shop windows or in magazines, but they were always something we laughed at! Why, we wondered, would anyone need these (mostly) ridiculous looking objects to have sex?
Then, one X-mas, some friends in our apartment building gave Eddy a Pocket Rocket, which caused everyone to laugh, but resulted in its being shoved into the back corner of one of her drawers, probably to never see the light of day until I finally, through much cajoling, convinced her to give it a spin. Why was she so hesitant to try something so simple? The answer was very deep and complicated and opened up a discussion that touched to the heart of her very sexuality - her inability to "let go" of her conservative upbringing which told her sex should be ONLY with her partner and that her enjoyment should be based on MY enjoyment. It was at this point that I was startled to find out she had never masturbated - ever.
The point of this long-winded story is that you just don't know how your partner is going to react when you ask to introduce a foreign object into your most intimate situation. Your partner may feel threatened or, worse, think he/she's inadequate and not fulfilling your needs. Men seeking anal stimulation run the risk of being questioned about sexual orientation (which is crazy). Remember, there are a great many folks who get upset at the mere mention of Playboy magazine or internet porn, so tread lightly. NEVER just bring a toy home and unveil it in the middle of making love. NEVER!!!
Instead, it's best to approach the subject sensitively or humorously, such as "Hey, I saw this funny looking thing on 'Sex in the City' and thought it might be fun..." or "I was reading this woman's magazine in the waiting room of (dentist, doctor, lawyer, etc.) and it mentioned a product that..." Once the IDEA of getting a sex toy into your relationship is accepted, discuss what type of toy you want and PICK IT OUT TOGETHER.
Yeah! He/She is interested in getting a toy - which one should I get?
Indeed. Which one to get. As you can see in this website, the choice(s) is not easy. However, here are some guidelines to help you filter through the many options:
1. Clearly define what it is you want. Are you trying to generate some extra sparks? Do you wish to try to experience some new sensations? Are you trying to get "over the hump" to experience an orgasm? Figure out exactly why you want to try them and then figure out...
2. Are you looking for a toy for her, for him, or for both of you. Once you figure that out...
3. Do you want one to use the toy together, alone, or both? Sanitation issues aside, do you wish to introduce the toy into a partner situation and also use it solo? If so, you should be conscious of the design so that using it solo requires as little effort as possible.
4. If for her, do you want a toy that focuses on the clitoris, penetration, g-spot, anal, or some combination of all four? Most toys serve specific purposes and once you know what areas you want to stimulate, your choices will be narrowed and your search made easier. After you know what you want you need to know...
5. What type of power (if any) are you seeking? Most sex toys manufactured today run on batteries, due to the convenience of using them without the need to be confined to the length of an electrical cord or proximity to an outlet. Technology has evolved to the point of extracting lots of muscle from just a few batteries and most will adequately stimulate whatever area you wish. Electrical powered toys, however, do have their advantages as well, such as never having to replace batteries (it's a bummer to run out of power in the middle of a hot sexual encounter!), more power than even the strongest batteries can generate, and a tendency to last longer over time (no covers to break off, no battery acid to eat through sensitive parts, etc.). Once you've solved your power dilemma, decide...
6. What kind of material should I get? Most vibes and dildos for penetration are made from either latex (rubber), silicone, jelly (gel), or glass. In the case of latex, you'll find this material confined mostly to dildos, though even dildos are now leaning more toward silicone, which has many of the same properties (flexibility, pliability), but is more sanitary due to its non-porous composition. This means you can boil toys made from silicone or use alcohol-based cleaners without worrying about damaging them. Jelly toys are also very popular as they are the most life-like of all sex toys and are known for their great pliability and realistic feeling. Glass, also called Pyrex, has become very popular in the manufacture of sex products due to the many beautiful designs and colors available, while also possessing the ability to be heated or chilled to create different sensations. Glass is also very sanitary and can be run through a dishwasher and completely submerged to kill any bacteria that may be present after use. The sanitation benefits make glass toys very good for anal penetration as well.
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